Soooo, let's see: I'm 23, I'll be 24 in October and my life has taken an unexpected turn. This time last year I was living in the valley with my boyfriend and our two lovely boxers. I was managing and acting as lead stylist at a very cool and highly acclaimed men's salon. I was happy in my career and my home life. The relationship didn't work out and technically ended in October of 2008 but our lease made it so that we would spend the next 8 months still sharing a room and a bed. Then, after the first of the year I was told that the salon could no longer hold its own in this economy and it would be either sold or closed by March 1st. As wonderful as my experience at the salon was, its ending was completely different. It was...a shit-storm, to put it kindly.
Now, I should tell you I am not really a "surprises" kinda gal. I don't like surprises and I don't do well with change. When faced with change I basically clench my fists, shut my eyes, and shake my head while yelling "No. No. NO NO NO NO!!!" Hate change. So when faced with all these question marks in my life which had, a month before been answers, I broke the fuck down. I'm generally an anxious person. To be honest, I'm about 2 dateline exposes short of becoming agoraphobic and I just totally lost my shit.
Oh I kept it together on the outside for a few months. I got back on anxiety medication and began seeing a counselor, but my anxiety just began spiraling out of control and led to frequent panic attacks at work. So I decided to cut my losses and leave the job before it put me in the hospital.
5 weeks later our lease was up and I was free to leave Los Angeles..and I had no clue as to where I should go. Not a single clue. Heartbroken by the end of this chapter, I kissed my pups and my partner in crime for the last 3 years goodbye and moved back home. My Pops graciously gave me my old room back and well...here I am.
I am so fortunate to have a place to go and sort out my life. Not everyone has that opportunity and I am grateful each and every day I wake up in a safe home with food and a bed and a dad who loves me and supports me while lovingly encouraging me to figure out my "path" or "journey" or whatever hippie euphemism for growing up you care to use.
The end of relationships can feel like a failure. And though I had no control over the economy or the salon, it still felt like a failure. Like I fucking failed...big time. Going home seemed like admitting defeat and I felt like Hester Prynne, only my scarlet letter was a big fat "F" for failure. However, when you get past the feeling of failure you get to the self-examination part..which totally sucks if you do it honestly because you learn some stuff about yourself that isn't necessarily what you had hoped for.
My self examination revealed that I needed to grow the fuck up. I'd moved away from home 2 months after I turned 18 and for 5 years thought I was doing a pretty good job of being "on my own." I realized that in the years I spent in LA I lost a lot of myself. I isolated myself from people and made my little family (boyfriend and dogs) my whole life. As independent as I once had been, I became equally dependent on my boyfriend- which does not a successful relationship make!
Now, I'm not totally useless. Yes, I can keep myself clothed and fed and all the major MAJOR things that are required; but the other "grown up" things like taxes, cooking, sewing, paying bills on time, etc. I am just miserable at. So here at home where I am safe and have the amazing luxury of not working (thanks unemployment!) and focusing on myself for the time being, I have decided to work on being the best possible version of myself. I want to become more independent, organized, and focused..which is one hell of an undertaking, but I am very, very excited to do so!
Long story short, I hope this blog will serve as a record of my progress and motivation to keep growing and developing as a young lady.. I will be regularly challenging myself to try new things and face my fears...which I've got a ton of..so this should be fun. Ultimately, it's my hope that in the not so distant future when I leave the nest again, I will be a much more self-sufficient version of myself and hopefully won't eat shit quite as hard. Enjoy!